Saturday, June 30, 2007

Demystifying Paris Hilton


Paris Hilton! Is she a master of deception, or an honest blonde that screws up just like any other human and ends up in the news? If she probably belches its news, its fashionable, and it makes her money, if I belch its lack of manners and I am roasted. The world is not fair read on.

She is rich, and got famous and had phenomenon ratings from getting a sex tape on the web. Her work ethic/day job intrigues me given she has a vague job description. If I tried myself, doing a lot of the nearly nothing that she does without even putting 100% to it, I am sure I would die a poor broke miserable old man. Yet when Paris does it, she makes more money and world headlines faster than the Middle East.

How can you explain this, I am in Kenya and still it baffles me, the fascination the press and people have for her. It’s unexplainable that the whole of the state of California comes to stand still when she gets in and out of jail. Heck! she even overshadowed Wimbledon.

The one thing I am discerning about rich famous people, especially actresses is how when they need ratings and headlines, they prey and play on the emotions of a watching world. Such, has a devastating effect that even when a film director or producer had trashed an actor he is hired back. All this because, at the time this actor or actress or a Paris is raising hell, her marketability to a confused showbiz crazy world peaks. Her crazy antics rake in millions of dollars to any producer. The motto at the time is “who cares about morals after all there is always money to be made from a sex saga or drunken orgy saga.” Morals thrown out of the window, lets make money first they say.

Here is how, when Paris publishes her jail journal and it’s released to the public, it’s going to sell like hot cakes. It will make millions, at the same time she might appears on TV shows acting all emotional and remorseful while she makes money from TV appearances. Then Paris narrates how she found the Bible inspiring and how she is choosing the right path to follow. Then after some few days later she screws up. I hope not. This preys on peoples emotions like crazy. It happened to me. I watched her, for half an hour talk to Larry King then it struck me. Oh no I have been unknowingly infected by the Paris Hilton bug. How did that happen, the media?

Who will ever know, if her crying shot of her in the police car was faked for the cameras or genuine. Time and time again in every field even politics emotions have been used to manipulate people. If I cry or show some emotions people might vote for me. They are called sympathy votes. Woe onto you, if it backfires and people realize you were faking it. Your downfall will be harder and painful than that of a sumo wrestlers wrestling in concrete falls. That is the precaution Miss Paris Hilton should take. But for the time being, she should try as much as possible to reap and soak from the intriguing after jail time windfall.

The media like Paparazzi, created to some extent the Paris Hilton fascination and when she picked on it, she did her best and ameliorated the fascination. Like a cunning business woman she turned the Paris Hilton people’s fascination to a profitable venture, a cash cow. She might be blonde but definitely not stupid. Through her emotions and sex tape buzz, she made money doing nearly nothing wow! She is either a scheming genius or one lucky 21st century blonde bombshell. If she eats something bad and her stomach has gas it will make news and even money. You ask me, but that’s not fair, sure its not and that’s the reason why you and I are not famous and rich. We are scribes and we earn from it.

By now if you are a Paris Hilton fanatic I know what you are thinking. “This is one jealous disgruntled, nasty annoyed writer who wishes he had money like Miss Hilton.” News flash I am not, I am just exploring the possible mystery behind the Paris Hilton world fascination juggernaut. All in all as she said in her interviews, I hope she becomes a good role model, and truly finds God through Christ. It’s the best thing she can ever do to herself.

Either way Paris Hilton type behavior is hard to figure, if genuine or faked. Surely you didn’t expect me to figure it, did you? Shock on you I am a writer not a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

Go Miss Hilton go. And please don’t violate your parole; it could land you in jail and in world headline news again, at the expense of world calamities news like Darfur while you rake in more money from your now in demand new prison journals.

Thank you for reading my article though. I hope I didn’t prey on your emotions like Miss Paris. If I did, well I need the money badly than Miss Hilton. Writing is my day job and I am not kidding. Good times.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Demystifying Mother-In-law

First I met your daughter,

I fell for her she played hard to get scared; I thought I had no charm.

Then with persistent she succumbed to my charm.

She said “James it is time you met mother”

I said “well that soon”

She said preying on my weakness “you love me don’t you”

I said “sure I do”

My heart was willing, although it almost had an attack.

The day was here, and you were there, soon to be mother in law,

Just across the table, watching me with keen eye like a hawk

That had to come to snatch without mercy your daughter

I was uneasy forgive me for when I was chewing the food,

You asked the question,

“Who are you?”

“Well I am” then atchooooo!

That fickle sneeze altered your perception of me if any.

Well with the food in my mouth I sneezed right at your new dress

You took it like a woman and yelled “do you know how this dress what this cost me”

I answered like a potential son in law under siege.

“I don’t, I don’t wear dresses but I will know after I marry you daughter.”

Off course I was arrogant but it was pressure you placed on me

Pressure to play perfect before you, my emotions caved.

Your emotions caved and swore at me throwing tantrums.

I was not bothered by that, words don’t hurt or injure,

What you did next, is what even today bothers me.

Did you have to let your dogs loose on me?

Phew! I am glad we made up although we never kissed.

I married your daughter; I am now more at ease and peace with you.

But stop suggesting you want to move in with us indefinitely, impromptu

No love lost but you, me same roof I will be see sick

Sick of seeing you coming from the bathroom in a towel

Your daughter is doing fine she even gained weight

Imagine a former home coming queen, and model

Well she comes home to me now I am honored by that.

Few pounds on her don’t make a difference to me

What I treasure are her awesome values.

On behalf of all men I write this to vanquish the notion

That our relationship can’t be rosy

Even though there are thorns I pray for you daily I love you

You gave me your daughter she had values morals and loved GOD.

You taught her that out of love for her.

Now, I fully understand why you over protected her

I could have done the same if in your position.

What great kids she gave me.

The other day mother in law you caught me off guard

When you told my kids how great a father and husband I was

Plus how you are proud of me, you got me mother in law!!!

My tears welled knowing you think that highly of me

Thank you mother in law I love you

For a long time you have been misunderstood

Now I have shattered that myth

Knowing your kind heart

I will call you mother from now on.

You are awesome bye for now

I will come visiting soon.

From a former besieged son in law

Friday, June 15, 2007

Throw weight around

Kid: (to Father) Dad why are you letting mum

shout and quarrel you while you like irritate her deliberately.

Father: (whispering) son, (pause) look

at her it is the best way I can get her to throw

her weight around here since she refused advice

to exercise. It is all for her own good.

It is called tough love son.

Knock, Knock

Knock, Knock

Knock, knock?

Owner: who is there a democrat or a republican?

Dean: it is Mr. Howard dean?

Owner: authenticate that by giving that

shriek you gave on DNC and I will open.

Dean: yiaaah yaiaah

Knock knock?

Owner: who is there?

Tom Cruise: it’s Tom

Owner: Tom who?

Tom Cruise: Tom Cruise.

Owner: I am not sure but before I am sure so

I can open there is a couch on the lawn.

Jump on it and yell I love Katie. Then I will be

comparing with that Oprah tape if you nail it I open.

Job Insecurity in LA

(

Job Insecurity in LA

(Breaking news at an LA news company)

Newscaster:

Well news just in suggest that the city of

Los Angeles is a no go area for psychiatrists.

Apparently the plastic surgeons are demonstrating

about their threat to job security.

Reason being a new bunch of psychiatrists

has moved in to help the stars and starlets of

Hollywood deal with their identity and

image crisis problems. So it means no more

nose jobs and facelifts for the surgeons.

Spotted On a Sign Post


Is your husband impatient and never home? Well try these diarrhea pills on him. They will keep him stuck at home. Call 1-800-husband-home-diarrhoea. Though most time in the toilet well at least he is home you don’t mind that lady do you. Well he will be home with you as an in-patient. Psss don’t tell the FDA you saw this sign.

Get your Money Back Con

(A rogue quack doctor and a rogue chemist

are standing at the cemetery of their former patients)

Rogue Doctor: you told me your new medicine

you were testing on them had a money

back guarantee if the medicine never worked?

Rogue Chemist: Sure I am an honest man

these guys refused to meet the end of the bargain.

They were too busy dying to make the

claims but I am an optimistic some will come.

(With a smirk on his face)