Demystifying Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton! Is she a master of deception, or an honest blonde that screws up just like any other human and ends up in the news? If she probably belches its news, its fashionable, and it makes her money, if I belch its lack of manners and I am roasted. The world is not fair read on.

She is rich, and got famous and had phenomenon ratings from getting a sex tape on the web. Her work ethic/day job intrigues me given she has a vague job description. If I tried myself, doing a lot of the nearly nothing that she does without even putting 100% to it, I am sure I would die a poor broke miserable old man. Yet when Paris does it, she makes more money and world headlines faster than the Middle East.

How can you explain this, I am in Kenya and still it baffles me, the fascination the press and people have for her. It’s unexplainable that the whole of the state of California comes to stand still when she gets in and out of jail. Heck! she even overshadowed Wimbledon.

The one thing I am discerning about rich famous people, especially actresses is how when they need ratings and headlines, they prey and play on the emotions of a watching world. Such, has a devastating effect that even when a film director or producer had trashed an actor he is hired back. All this because, at the time this actor or actress or a Paris is raising hell, her marketability to a confused showbiz crazy world peaks. Her crazy antics rake in millions of dollars to any producer. The motto at the time is “who cares about morals after all there is always money to be made from a sex saga or drunken orgy saga.” Morals thrown out of the window, lets make money first they say.

Here is how, when Paris publishes her jail journal and it’s released to the public, it’s going to sell like hot cakes. It will make millions, at the same time she might appears on TV shows acting all emotional and remorseful while she makes money from TV appearances. Then Paris narrates how she found the Bible inspiring and how she is choosing the right path to follow. Then after some few days later she screws up. I hope not. This preys on peoples emotions like crazy. It happened to me. I watched her, for half an hour talk to Larry King then it struck me. Oh no I have been unknowingly infected by the Paris Hilton bug. How did that happen, the media?

Who will ever know, if her crying shot of her in the police car was faked for the cameras or genuine. Time and time again in every field even politics emotions have been used to manipulate people. If I cry or show some emotions people might vote for me. They are called sympathy votes. Woe onto you, if it backfires and people realize you were faking it. Your downfall will be harder and painful than that of a sumo wrestlers wrestling in concrete falls. That is the precaution Miss Paris Hilton should take. But for the time being, she should try as much as possible to reap and soak from the intriguing after jail time windfall.

The media like Paparazzi, created to some extent the Paris Hilton fascination and when she picked on it, she did her best and ameliorated the fascination. Like a cunning business woman she turned the Paris Hilton people’s fascination to a profitable venture, a cash cow. She might be blonde but definitely not stupid. Through her emotions and sex tape buzz, she made money doing nearly nothing wow! She is either a scheming genius or one lucky 21^st century blonde bombshell. If she eats something bad and her stomach has gas it will make news and even money. You ask me, but that’s not fair, sure its not and that’s the reason why you and I are not famous and rich. We are scribes and we earn from it.

By now if you are a Paris Hilton fanatic I know what you are thinking. “This is one jealous disgruntled, nasty annoyed writer who wishes he had money like Miss Hilton.” News flash I am not, I am just exploring the possible mystery behind the Paris Hilton world fascination juggernaut. All in all as she said in her interviews, I hope she becomes a good role model, and truly finds God through Christ. It’s the best thing she can ever do to herself.

Either way Paris Hilton type behavior is hard to figure, if genuine or faked. Surely you didn’t expect me to figure it, did you? Shock on you I am a writer not a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

Go Miss Hilton go. And please don’t violate your parole; it could land you in jail and in world headline news again, at the expense of world calamities news like Darfur while you rake in more money from your now in demand new prison journals.

Thank you for reading my article though. I hope I didn’t prey on your emotions like Miss Paris. If I did, well I need the money badly than Miss Hilton. Writing is my day job and I am not kidding. Good times.

Demystifying Mother-In-law

First I met your daughter,

I fell for her she played hard to get scared; I thought I had no charm.

Then with persistent she succumbed to my charm.

She said “James it is time you met mother”

I said “well that soon”

She said preying on my weakness “you love me don’t you”

I said “sure I do”

My heart was willing, although it almost had an attack.

The day was here, and you were there, soon to be mother in law,

Just across the table, watching me with keen eye like a hawk

That had to come to snatch without mercy your daughter

I was uneasy forgive me for when I was chewing the food,

You asked the question,

“Who are you?”

“Well I am” then atchooooo!

That fickle sneeze altered your perception of me if any.

Well with the food in my mouth I sneezed right at your new dress

You took it like a woman and yelled “do you know how this dress what this cost me”

I answered like a potential son in law under siege.

“I don’t, I don’t wear dresses but I will know after I marry you daughter.”

Off course I was arrogant but it was pressure you placed on me

Pressure to play perfect before you, my emotions caved.

Your emotions caved and swore at me throwing tantrums.

I was not bothered by that, words don’t hurt or injure,

What you did next, is what even today bothers me.

Did you have to let your dogs loose on me?

Phew! I am glad we made up although we never kissed.

I married your daughter; I am now more at ease and peace with you.

But stop suggesting you want to move in with us indefinitely, impromptu

No love lost but you, me same roof I will be see sick

Sick of seeing you coming from the bathroom in a towel

Your daughter is doing fine she even gained weight

Imagine a former home coming queen, and model

Well she comes home to me now I am honored by that.

Few pounds on her don’t make a difference to me

What I treasure are her awesome values.

On behalf of all men I write this to vanquish the notion

That our relationship can’t be rosy

Even though there are thorns I pray for you daily I love you

You gave me your daughter she had values morals and loved GOD.

You taught her that out of love for her.

Now, I fully understand why you over protected her

I could have done the same if in your position.

What great kids she gave me.

The other day mother in law you caught me off guard

When you told my kids how great a father and husband I was

Plus how you are proud of me, you got me mother in law!!!

My tears welled knowing you think that highly of me

Thank you mother in law I love you

For a long time you have been misunderstood

Now I have shattered that myth

Knowing your kind heart

I will call you mother from now on.

You are awesome bye for now

I will come visiting soon.

From a former besieged son in law

Throw weight around

Kid: (to Father) Dad why are you letting mum

shout and quarrel you while you like irritate her deliberately.

Father: (whispering) son, (pause) look

at her it is the best way I can get her to throw

her weight around here since she refused advice

to exercise. It is all for her own good.

It is called tough love son.

Knock, Knock

Knock, Knock

Knock, knock?

Owner: who is there a democrat or a republican?

Dean: it is Mr. Howard dean?

Owner: authenticate that by giving that

shriek you gave on DNC and I will open.

Dean: yiaaah yaiaah

Knock knock?

Owner: who is there?

Tom Cruise: it’s Tom

Owner: Tom who?

Tom Cruise: Tom Cruise.

Owner: I am not sure but before I am sure so

I can open there is a couch on the lawn.

Jump on it and yell I love Katie. Then I will be

comparing with that Oprah tape if you nail it I open.

Job Insecurity in LA

(

Job Insecurity in LA

(Breaking news at an LA news company)

Newscaster:

Well news just in suggest that the city of

Los Angeles is a no go area for psychiatrists.

Apparently the plastic surgeons are demonstrating

about their threat to job security.

Reason being a new bunch of psychiatrists

has moved in to help the stars and starlets of

Hollywood deal with their identity and

image crisis problems. So it means no more

nose jobs and facelifts for the surgeons.

Spotted On a Sign Post

Is your husband impatient and never home? Well try these diarrhea pills on him. They will keep him stuck at home. Call 1-800-husband-home-diarrhoea. Though most time in the toilet well at least he is home you don’t mind that lady do you. Well he will be home with you as an in-patient. Psss don’t tell the FDA you saw this sign.

Get your Money Back Con

(A rogue quack doctor and a rogue chemist

are standing at the cemetery of their former patients)

Rogue Doctor: you told me your new medicine

you were testing on them had a money

back guarantee if the medicine never worked?

Rogue Chemist: Sure I am an honest man

these guys refused to meet the end of the bargain.

They were too busy dying to make the

claims but I am an optimistic some will come.

(With a smirk on his face)

retired dont give up

Life has three phases the past the present the future. We work today, to make a better tomorrow. Our past is responsible for where we are today, but our past is not responsible for where we will be tomorrow. With all that in mind I view ambitions as ignoring the past. If it was wretched I roll up my sleeves and work now to make my future better. It is evident that the more time passes the more opportunities pass and the more we come to new opportunities. I have been thinking what if I viewed my life differently. Ignoring the past successes repair the past messes then I perfect my now moment. Then when advanced age knocks on my life I view it as the apex of my life. Just like a business man operates. There was a time he was toiling trying to make a dime, and have a lucky break while past demons of failure were trying to torment him telling him he can’t make it in life. Then it happened he made it and made it big.

Now putting this idea into age factor I see it in this context. Retirement knocks at the door instead of panicking and going down past memory lane whether good or bad, reload. When opening a page on the internet and it gets static or stuck, you just click on reload or refresh button. Then bingo the page reloads and it is displayed afresh and not stuck initially. Now lets not forget the page is still the old page you were opening but a fresh bust of energy has been applied and the page opens. Despite the age factor ambitions don’t die, ambitions are driven by passion not time or age. I view retirement as that time where a person has time to reflect on the future, rather than deflecting on the vain rhetoric that retirees are an exhausted breed. Please! With a bust of energy of passion a retiree can be reloaded and go on to do great exploits that baffle the so called young breeds.

I am convinced it is possible for a retiree to view his current life as the apex of achievement and mettle. How many vibrant people never could handle pressure during their working days and they gave up on life even before hitting 45. They quit and some ended it all, while others numbed their pain through drugs. Any person who is a retiree deserves a pat on the back. He is a plethora of toughness, otherwise how can you explain his ability to survive all those years working without throwing in the towel, and running naked and bonkers on the streets due to work related stress.

I have studied the word retiree and concluded, this is not just any word, and it is a title of the few who with their unbending will managed to remain unmoved and unperturbed by the excesses of life to reach an age of retirement. Hence I have come to view retirement as the icing on the cake for those chosen few. Here RETIREE is abbreviated:

Ready to face life without fear

Extreme enough to dare not give up

Tough to the point of being risky but wise

Incisive enough to solve complex problems

Resilient enough to not be wearied out by temporary set backs

Extraordinarily, views aging as a door of new exploits and opportunity.

Excellent to the point of silencing critics through exploits.

With all of the above characteristics it would not be hard to see why soon a phrase might be coined saying life begins at retirement. Time and age should not be a deterrent to doing exploits. Age is just but a number and living is added up when you follow your dreams. My view is retirement is freedom from mediocrity of routine to entry of adventure called life on a new perspective. Hey come on, take advantage of your now moment and explore new ventures.

America! are you retired and tired and feel retarded

Imagine one day you hear on News a Disney World Executive announcing. “Ladies and gentlemen I am pleased to announce that Dick Cheney will be starring in the next The Mask 3 movie sequel. He has signed a contract with us after his tenure of vice president expires he will begin working on the project immediately.” Digest that wild thought and be careful to not choke. How would Americans react at such announcement, Dick Cheney in comedy? He should see a psychiatrist.

We know Cheney has very stern looks, and almost has no time for trivial comical nonsense. Imagining him, being the star of the mask 3 instead of Jim Carrey is like taboo. Figure the buzz it would create, the curiosity his presence in the big screen would draw even from harsh political critics. Can you imagine him doing all those crazy hilarious acts Jim Carey does in the mask 1. Perhaps think Dick Cheney providing the voice for the Donkey in Shrek or for a hamster in over the hedge. It would be unpredictable first because nobody expected, or nobody has ever imagined Cheney from that comical perspective but it also could motivate.

My point for those observations is to enlighten anyone who limits himself because of age or time. It is never too late or too awkward to try something you secretly desire. Do not be limited by expectations people place on you which is why I used the Dick Cheney example. So what, if you have lived all your life being in administration and there was no hint of fun in your life. Just designer suits and stern looks like evident when Donald Trump is firing erratic apprentices. Come on; inject some unpredictability in your life, especially when you all the time in your hands, like in retirement. Go to a local comedy club and try doing some skit, even if you don’t make the audience laugh, or you are booed trust me. When you go back home and reflect on it you will laugh your heart out, and so will your family. Forget routine and live life to the full.

I have been trying out yodeling I am not good at it but I like at times hearing myself sound stupid and nuts and laugh at myself. To me, that is the concept that makes life exciting and propels anyone to not lose the will to live. Humor is all around us, but at times our ego and so called classiness, prevents us from being happy. Maybe you are afraid what your family or those who look unto you think. To be uneconomical with the truth, most people we deem are serious, wish they could do something wild nobody expects them to but are afraid of the buzz it might generate. Imagine a sixty seven year old dad, wild enough to dye his hair brown like Dennis Rodman.

Free advice reader if it makes you happy, and it does not end up landing you in jail do it, never mind the critic, the stares your life is yours enjoy it while it lasts. To support my point I will pose to you a question. Regardless of your age, what do you normally do when left alone in the house and you get bored? All over sudden, you could stand in front of the mirror and stare at your bare hanging belly then you start dancing. You take a broom and you use it as a microphone and belt out those James Brown golden oldies not minding you are really croaking, and nobody in your family can stand you singing. Suddenly your twenty nine year old son realizes he left an item at home he comes in without knocking and lo and behold he finds you doing, or at least trying to do the split. You are busy enjoying yourself that it takes eternity to realize he has a video camera in his hand and he is tearing up due to laughter. When you realize he busted you don’t apologize if you can still contain yourself and the embarrassments do the funky chicken in his view.

Come evening when all are back home instead of the gloom from the day’s hectic schedules and fatigue they will be discussing and poking fun at you. Don’t get angry sit back like a king and relax you are now the centre of attention. This is all what everyone want to be the focus point. When that happens it does more good than shame. Reason being you forget your aching back, the shaky muscle cramps in fact you discard the negativity buzz that naysayer associate with aging. All that depends on you reader, are you radical enough to dare differently and live fulfilled.